Hello people, I’ve finally gotten my internet back on. The past few weekends have been fun, but now its as if I’m staring at the stretch and it goes on forever. I am not sure of decisions I have to make. I want a job because using my savings is stressing me out J. I feel like this is where I am supposed to be now, but I’m not sure about later. I don’t know if I am to stay here and study, or what I should study, or study elsewhere, or go home. I don’t want to give up because its hard, but I don’t want to force something if its not what God’s will is for me.

 I know what I want ultimately. I seem to want it more now than ever, but I wonder if that’s become an idol to me. I have to be willing to give that up if that’s what God wants. But its scary to even be willing to give up something that you’ve always thought would be your life. To even say “that’s ok God, if that’s your will that’s what I want.” God places desires in your heart, but how do you know if those desires are from God or simply you trying to take your life into your own hands. What if I don’t like God’s plan? Why can’t I be content here?

I have been so blessed. I have had opportunities that I have learned from and grown from. I have made mistakes that I guess I have learned from. I have a supportive, Christian family and extended family. I have so much to be thankful for. Why am I always looking for the next best thing?

If you read this, say a prayer for me. Pray for guidance, that God would be clear and that I would know His voice. Pray that I will be able to rest in Him and not try to force my own agenda. Pray that I will be able to be a blessing to the women in the dorm. Pray for the people I come in contact with. We are all hurting in some way, but God has the answers. But we have to be willing to accept what He puts in front of us.